This is a public interest endeavour dedicated to the ongoing improvement of The Social Contract.
Please note the introduction of the following amendments to The Social Contract. These matters pertain specifically to Appendix D: Binge Watching Television.
Note that binge-watching is defined in ’Definitions’ as ‘The watching of any video or cinematic content on any device for any length of time longer than three (3) episodes or three (3) hours, whichsoever is the longest, honestly, no really, be honest, you’re only kidding yourself’.
Due recent interventions by various mental health authorities, Kardashian hours are longer than normal hours and conversion is necessary to calculate rates of consumption. For example, one hour of Kardashian programming is worth 90 minutes of normal programming. See table 1.8. In the event of consuming more than 5 Kardashian hours, please seek medical assistance.
The introduction of Part 2(a) (”The mid-binge co-binge”) brings sweeping change to a long-under-regulated area of legal jurisprudence.
This section stipulates that, in the event of one party entering a room mid-binge, that binge may become a co-binge under the following circumstances only:
(i) The interrupter of the binge must not distract the interruptee by undertaking any activity including but not limited to eating, moving, speaking or asking questions such as “Which one is she married to?” or “Is that the same one as before or is this red face guy?”
(ii) The interrupter must under no circumstances make a noise involving fingernails, toenails, or tongue clicking.
(iii) Any interrupter who enters the room and criticises the act of the binge, may not partake in the binge.
(iii) Upon the arrival of the interrupter to the binge, the interruptee may take the opportunity to enhance the binge by stipulating certain acts performable by the interruptee (for a full list see “Binge enhancement” in Appendix F). These acts include the fetching of food or drink, the closing of an annoying blind, or a swift response to the phrase “would you move your head for crying out loud?” (It is not clear whether this wording is prescriptive).
Lastly, the language in this Appendix is very clear on the question of streaming services that counti down the seconds until the next episode will be automatically played. In the event of this happening, any viewer or viewers who perform to themselves a little act of hesitation before allowing the video to “accidentally” play on are “fooling themselves” and “need help”.
Remember. Ignorance of the law is no excuse.
This article first appeared in Crikey.