Catching Public Transport

This is a public interest endeavour dedicated to the ongoing improvement of The Social Contract.

Please note the introduction of the following amendments to The Social Contract. These matters pertain specifically to Appendix C: Catching Public Transport.

Please note the following important amendments:

Note that, for the purposes of clarifying any previous confusion in relation to this matter, an important distinction has been made in “Definitions”, namely that, in any form of public transport, seats are for the carriage of “human persons”. Note also that “human persons” is now a term that explicitly excludes “bags of any kind”.

 Section 1.1.1 (“Premature disembarkation”) dictates that any person or persons attempting board any form of transport without first waiting for the people onboard to get off shall be fined the maximum amount allowed by law and required to perform an interpretive dance on the theme of “how I went wrong in life and what I choose to do about it”.

Section 1.1.8 (“Spare Window Seat Creeps”) stipulates that any person who elects to sit on the aisle seat in the event that there is not someone in the window seat must, when another human is standing nearby, move over. If the second person does not take the aisle seat within two (2) minutes, the sitter may resume their original position. Please note that “pretending to be asleep” here is not a defence.

Section 4.2.2 (“Hot Chips”) prohibits the eating of hot chips on public transport under any circumstances so help me God.

Section 4.5.8 (“Pregnant people and old people”) stipulates that if you (a) have a seat and (b) are under the age of 65 and (c) there is a pregnant person or an old person standing up, what you must do is this: stand up, offer them your seat, disembark, and walk home in the rain having a good hard think about yourself.

Section 5.1.1 codifies what are called “Public Transport Performance Defences” and the law relating to them. The following are no longer considered defences to any breach of any section of the law in this area: performance of sleep, performance of being “so lost” in your phone that you are not responsible for your behaviour, performances of outrage, performances of important phone calls. Note though that, in the presence of a Dangerous Seeming Person, all bets are off and you can perform Verdi’s Requium if you think it helps.

 This Appendix is under constant review. Updates will be provided. Remember: ignorance of the law is no excuse.