Parking

A public interest endeavour dedicated to the ongoing improvement of The Social Contract.

Please note the introduction of the following amendments to The Social Contract. These matters pertain specifically to Appendix E: Parking.

Please note the following important amendments:

In response to an apparent lack of clarity in this area, Appendix E now covers in exhaustive detail exactly how to park a car. For instance:

According to 1.3.1, a vehicle is not parked ”unless and until it is inside the lines“. 

In the event of there being no lines, a car is parked when it is “not hindering in any way” the egress of “any other person or persons from adjoining cars, houses, driveways, or structures of any kind”. As with many areas of law, the “reasonable person” test applies here. i.e. please try and be a reasonable person.

A car park on public land out the front of your house is not “your” car park. Indeed, according to 2.3.1, the act of bagsing, staring menacingly, and/or delivering passive/aggressive speeches to the neighbours does not make the car park out the front of your house any more your car park than it already isn’t. 

On this point, it is now clear that the leaving of notes on windscreens is an offence where the note in question touches on ”any of the following topics”:

A) Recommended driver education programs;

B) Handy parking tips;

C)  Suggested courses of action pertaining to optometry; or

D) Swear words in capital letters.

Readers familiar with this area of law will notice a broad addition in 1.1.8 pertaining to “persons assisting other persons with parking”. According to the wording here, “Any human person” who is aware of being studied while parking a car will ”without exception throughout the world in perpetuity completely fail to park that car“. In direct contravention of the Good Samaritan Law, therefore, it is the responsibility of “any or all bystanders“ in the area to “pretend not to notice a car is being parked” up to and until the sixth (6th) attempt at parking.

1.1.9 points out that the opposite also applies and that all the most breathtakingly brilliant car parks occur when nobody is around. Should any person or persons witness a car park such as this, whether from a window far above, from down the street etc, they are obliged by law to say “great park”.  A round of applause is also acceptable. 

Remember. Ignorance of the law is no excuse.

This important legal update first appeared in Crikey.