Before and After
I realised recently that it might be a good idea to have a makeover. I’m a big fan of watching things get made over. You know when they do fast forward through the entire reconstruction of a house or something? So satisfying! And the world is full of experts who can help and who look attractive in overalls for heaven’s sake. But I needed my own makeover because I am a writer who lives in a glorified hovel and I was asked to do a photo shoot. I learned a lot in my makeover.
Public Service Announcement: all kinds of makeovers are free. You can change your whole life into a before and after picture! Metaphorically!
First of all, you are, of c ourse, beautiful already. Unless you’re not. You could be, for instance, a jerk. If you’re a jerk, your makeover journey is quite clear. Read more books. Ask more questions. Don’t regard conversation as ‘waiting for you turn to speak’ so much as ‘learning from this person’. When you hear a criticism about an element of your very own self: don’t worry that it will swallow you whole. Taste it. Look at the criticism from all angles. Test yourself for immunity. Are you in fact able to take on any of the criticism? Try some. I dare you.
You could be a very lovely person with lots of friends but everything else feels out of control. Those people need makeovers and they know it. They would have one, too, if they could find the time in between holding the universe together with sticky tape and bits of tar and the sap from a wattle tree at the height of summer. They’d do one of those makeovers where they spend a bunch of time on the beach and rehabilitate themselves and go for runs at dawn and float all afternoon. If there is any justice in the world, this category of person will one day come across this kind of rewarding rejuvenation. In the meantime, though, perhaps you deserve a makeover of another kind. Maybe you need to find a scarf that brings out your eyes. A book that takes you places. A new type of bubble bath. Something chocolate flavoured that makes you groan in the solitary silence of your own lounge room. These things are hopelessly inadequate. They are a metaphor for the problem. They are simply not good enough. They are, however, compulsory.
You could be a person who feels like something has slipped in the universe. Come on universe, you might hear yourself thinking, this is getting beyond a joke. These people aren’t just burned-out and busted up. They’re not just busy and harried and about to quit their jobs. These are the ones - and we all know at least one at the moment - who have been well and truly tested beyond the bounds of narrative credibility. Well, they might tell their doctor, it started with COVID and it ended with a divorce and a slipped disc in my back. It started with the death of my uncle and blah blah blah now I live with my two cousins and nine cats. That kind of thing. These people have had it up to their eyeballs and beyond. They know, as a result of this, where their friends are. They know who to call when they want to laugh about something or talk through something or absolutely ignore everything. They appreciate the lovely nurse and the kind bloke at the service station and which person will give them an appointment even though they already canceled twice. It’s those people - the nurse and the friend and the appointment lady and the servo bloke - who are your makeover. They are adding to you, somehow, even though you’d rather not be dealing with whatever it is. Those people who are with you; you won’t forget those people. They’ll help you out the other side. Madeover.
Look, there’s a chance you’re fine and lovely. Not a jerk. Not worried about budgets or aches or sadness or anxiety or whether you look like you’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards. If that’s you, congratulations on recently having made it through a makeover. Splendid work.
Paint your nails. Rewatch your favourite movie. Belt out a rip-snorter of a song in traffic that lifts the roof off the car. Adopt a kitten. Swing a golf club. Plant a tree. Buy a new pen. Make yourself over. It’s the least you deserve.