The loneliness of being studied for being lonely...

The first thing that comes to mind when I read about those studies into the health implications of loneliness is a sad-sack, solitary figure, face to the wall, too lonely to figure out how to get unlonely. I don’t tend to picture, for example, myself. Even though I’ve been lonely before, I don’t read about those studies and think that’s me. The lonely person is me.

We humans don’t love thinking about our vulnerabilities, and we tend to only recognise something crushing like loneliness once it meets with interruption. Like how some people don’t realise they’re stressed until they relax or don’t realise they’re in a bad relationship until it’s over.

I thought about all this when I logged into my laptop today. It asked if I wanted to perform an ‘upgrade’. Humans don’t do that. We look back and judge our past selves like they were played by different actors.

Public Service Announcement: maybe it’s time to do a system check. Like an audit but not for money or health or wellness. Just a check-in. Take the temperature. See what’s been neglected or overlooked or outdated.

How’s your connectivity? Have you been checking in with mates? Making new ones? Looking outward rather than inward? Being generous and constructive? Or are you caught in your own loop? That can happen sometimes, with connectivity. Not your fault, you just need to secure a better connection to a network. Do a search and attempt a few reconnections until you find one that works.

Lonely even though you aren’t alone? That’s a security issue, usually. If you’re not feeling secure in your own self, you often need to establish some kind of buffer. Do something different with your time. Try a new thing. When was the last time you tried that? Give it a burl!

Okay now let’s look for any malware. See if you can override any regret you find in your system. They’re not productive and will drain your batteries. Do a search for “grudges” and see if you can jettison any of those too.

How are your presumptions looking? You might want to get a second opinion on those. They sometimes need to be replaced entirely. It can be quite a lot of work but it will up the value of almost everything else. Might be good to start with a search of any times you’ve felt attacked lately. Did it feel like someone accused you of something? Did you become angry rather than introspective? Could be good to install some antivirus software. If you’ve always thought X and you’re being asked to reconsider it, your system should be applying the SELF REFLECTION filter. If it’s skipping that step, you may have an ENTITLEMENT virus. Very common I’m afraid.

Right. Next up: questions of design. When we do a system check, it’s sometimes good to upgrade the design elements. New fonts, new colours, bit of a spruce up. If your system’s overheating, we recommend downloading the BOOK NOOK widget. With a few simple adjustments, turn any space into an appealing haven in which to decompress. A splash of colour. A bar of chocolate. A book that smells like a place you love. Getting sick of your routine? Change it up!

You might need to adjust some more settings.

Are you too busy? Be less busy. Go to the calendar app, select all, then drag and drop it to the trash . Nobody deserves your time more than you do.

Too angry? What are you angry about? Is it other people’s opinions? Is it how other people live their lives? Your filters might need adjusting. Try selfie mode.

Do you need to give yourself more credit?

Are you convinced you’re unlucky or unlikeable or too something or not something enough? Adjust the settings if you can. This sometimes means checking your compatibility with others around you.

Maybe your system check reveals you are the lonely person. Maybe you’re the stressed person. Maybe you’re the person who can’t see a way forward and you know you probably need a hand to figure out the next bit. After a system reset it can be difficult to get used to the changes, but whether it’s a BOOK NOOK widget or an overhaul of long-held presumptions or simply a reminder to be kinder to someone you love, defragging your hard drive every now and then, identifying your weaker points, adjusting your hardware, makes it much less likely you’ll be the subject of a study about how loneliness is killing you. That’s one thing we can all aim for.

This first appeared in The Big Issue. Buy it from your local vendor why don’t you.